"Above and below me, before and behind me.
In every eye that sees me, Christ be all around me"
These lyrics play on my heartstrings. They stir up something deep in my soul, and create a deep longing to be aware of Christ's presence everywhere I go. It is something I take for granted and have thought over and over that I say I believe that He is everywhere at all times, but during this particular season in my life I had to really check myself and ask do I really believe it? I want to and I always said I did, but I do not really think I grasped the concept until it was put to the test. This past year has been sort of a whirl wind of excitement, fear, anxiety, and a lot of "what ifs". Do not be fooled it was also filled with peace, joy, and complete excitement for what God was calling us to do. My husband and I have never had the desire to "settle down" and stay in one place. We have always desired adventure, travel, and to go all out for God. Holding nothing back from the One who gave us new life. We had been praying for a few years after my husband felt God tell him to step down from being the Youth Pastor at our Church in Vero Beach FL. We pleaded with God that He would continue to use us in mighty ways for His kingdom. That we wouldn't become idle, and just go about living life just to survive. We wanted to be used and didn't understand why He was calling us out of the ministry. But we knew we had to be obedient to His direction. Little did we know that His plans were so much bigger than we could have ever imagined. Now I am not saying it was easy or we didn't struggle with trusting our amazing God. Because we did. It was one of the most difficult and most humbling times we have ever experienced. We had no choice but to cling to his promise that "He will never leave nor forsake us". We just kept praying and kept clinging to His word and kept pressing forward. If anyone has ever been in a time of waiting it is not easy and comes with a lot of soul searching if you will. The more you wait the bigger the burden. The one thing I learned it that I was never meant to cary this burden of waiting. I was to be "Still and Know He is God." It was a daily struggle for me. But had we have known what God was orchestrating ahead of time we would have laughed and doubted it was even possible. Making it hard for God's plan to come into existence.
I will never forget the night we got a message via Facebook asking us to pray about moving out to Washington state. It was a normal night, we had just out the kids to bed and we were just relaxing and my husband had been chatting with a friend from Washington and he was encouraging my husband and asking him to think deep and figure out what talents or passions has God given him. And we talked about it and it was obvious, music and art. Those two are very hard to make a living off of especially together. Our tiny minds couldn't comprehend at that point that God is God and He can do anything. With much excitement and a lot of unknowns we began praying and asking God if this was "it" and in a few short weeks my husband and I were on a plane to visit this beautiful place that we now call home. After those 5 days of driving around, meeting people, and getting a feel of the church we would be involved with we just knew this was it, and we had an incredible peace that this is where God is calling us. AWESOME!!! We got an answer after many months/years of praying. Now what??? This is where my faith in God was tested! We had to tell everyone and our kids, we had a mixed basket of responses. Some hurtful and some were an absolute blessing of encouragement. I had to constantly remind myself that I am to follow Gods will for my life no matter how crazy it seems and not worry about what others will think. It is a hard thing to do, I normally do not care what people think about my walk with God and don't let it hinder me, but I have to admit it really caused doubt to well up in my heart. I felt people were expecting some big money paying job was the reason why this move was happening, but it was quite the opposite. We really had no idea and still are trying to figure out what our purpose out here is. All we knew is that we were called by God and so we took the jump. You see I think God calls us to step out more often than we think, we just are afraid to jump. I was totally afraid but I knew if I didn't, it would be a mistake that I would regret the rest of my life. And what would that teach my boys? I want them to jump and experience Gods faithfulness and to not be afraid to do the radical for Him. So as we moved forward I had this picture in my head of us standing on the edge of a cliff at sunset all holding hands and jumping, not knowing if we are gonna fall or sore. Well my friends if you have faith in God you will sore!! And the view is beautiful, sure people will try to throw rocks at you or make you think you need more experience to jump, but you don't. If your faith is in God you will not fall to your death. It may get bumpy but I promise you can handle it. On June 19th early in the morning we started on our adventure. It took about a week to drive from Fl to WA. We stopped in many places and got to fellowship with such amazing people. And each stop was more confirmation that we were on the right path. We saw many beautiful sunsets and drove through some storms, but the peace of God never left us. It was just the four of us with the dog and God on the open road. It was amazing. Such a freeing feeling driving down the road not knowing what lies ahead but totally trusting the in the Lord for it all.
Once we got into Vancouver our mission started to try and find a place to live. We had THREE days. Reality kicked in and the pressure was on. Honestly I was freaking out and had a meltdown. My spirit wanted to believe that God was going to pull through but as a two days passed my flesh was beginning to choke out all the confirmation and peace we had just experienced on the road trip we just took. How quickly I forget that God is in control and that I do not need to grasp at the wind for false hope. He is there patiently waiting for me to choose to trust and allow Him to work. The best thing about God is that He gives us a choice to choose Him or to choose our flesh. And on that day I was choosing my flesh, it was a physical battle inside and I didn't want to let go of the control I thought I had. There are things that happen in life that make no sense to the human mind, and all hope is lost. When I chose to let go of my false control and hope in myself, I was free again from the thoughts of doubt that so easily enslaved my mind. And on the third day we found a place that was perfect for the budget we had. And now here we are, living and breathing and enjoying what God had for us all along. We have been here a little over a month and love it so far. We both have an indescribable peace even though we still have no idea really why God brought us out here. But thats the best part of it all, waking up giving each day fully to the Lord and seeing what happens.
"As I rise, strength of God
Go before, lift me up
As I wake, eyes of God
Look upon, be my sight
As I wait, heart of God
Satisfy and sustain
As I hear, voice of God
Lead me on, be my guide
Be my guide
Above and below me
Before and behind me
In every eye that sees me
Christ be all around me
As I go, Hand of God
My defense, by my side
And as I rest, breath of God
Fall upon, bring me peace
Bring me peace
Above and below me
Before and behind me
In every eye that sees me
Christ be all around me
Oh oh, oh oh
Christ be all around me
Oh oh, oh oh
Christ be all around me
Your life, Your death
Your blood was shed
For every moment
Every moment"